Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got. There is no yesterday, no tomorrow, it’s all the same day.

Gigi's Hair
Gigi's Skin
Gigi's Intimacy
Gigi's Body

What is Abuse in a Relationship?

abuse in relationship

17 Aug What is Abuse in a Relationship?

By Dr. Shannon Lee Dutchyn / in Relationships by

Is it possible that you’re in an abusive relationship, and don’t even know it? Abuse can present itself in many different ways, and each one can have a profound, lasting impact on you.

Unfortunately to those living through one, it’s not obvious that you’re in an abusive relationship. Even worse, it may be a subject that the person chooses to avoid altogether; opting out, or changing the subject when it arises.

There are many reasons why people may not be aware that they’re experiencing abuse. Some don’t want to believe that their significant other really intends to cause them harm. Others rationalize the abuse, or are so used to it that they believe that the abusive behavior is normal in a relationship.

The victims may end up believing that the conflict is their faulty, and that they somehow deserve the abuse.

It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, and ask yourself important questions if any of these signs seem similar to you, or someone close to you.

Abuse Can Take Many Forms

Physical Abuse

The act of intentionally causing aggressive harm or inflicting physical pain to another person can be classified as abuse. Most people refuse to recognize abusive relationships if the aspect of physical abuse isn’t there. However, this is just one of the forms.

Emotional Abuse

The intentional or unintentional behavior, words, or language that harms, demeans, hurts, undermines self-esteem or manipulates another person is emotional abuse. This can take many forms, including name-calling, insults, threats, blaming, and withholding affection.

Domestic Abuse

A form of abuse that can include both physical and emotional abuse to exert power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship, or immediate social circle (who you live with).

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse in a relationship can take many forms. Sexual assault, or rape, are often the first ones to come to mind, but sexual abuse can also include forcing the victim to dress in a sexual way, demanding or manipulating them into having sex when they’re not in the mood, ignoring the victim’s feelings regarding sex, or sexual acts.

Signs You Might Be a Victim of Abuse

There are certain signs you should look for in yourself to determine whether you’re currently going through abuse, or you did go through it without realizing it for what it is.

  • You continuously fear disappointing or failing your partner, and it causes overwhelming stress and anxiety.
  • You always feel like you’re unable to win an argument with your partner, and the whole situation turns out to be your fault.
  • You continuously avoid making plans with the people you love so they cannot get involved.
  • You have physical bruises on your body.
  • You have been forced to have sex, even if you are married, after explicitly telling them no.
  • You feel constant and inexplicable unease and anxiety.
  • Specific smells, behaviors, places, thoughts, or feelings can trigger extreme responses from you without being seemingly important. You may feel physical symptoms like nausea, dizziness, or rapid heartbeat. It could also be an overwhelming need to escape from the environment.

Signs That Someone You Know Might be a Victim of Abuse

You can also look for signs that someone close to you is a victim of abuse if you notice the following:

  • If certain smells, behaviors, places, thoughts, or feelings trigger anxiety attacks or other extreme reactions in them.
  • If they constantly make excuses not to see you face to face or to talk to you.
  • If they make excuses for their spouse’s abusive behavior.
  • If they are wearing clothes that may be inappropriate, but could be hiding bruises and cuts.
  • If they have visible bruises or cuts that they cannot explain properly.
  • If they love to feel numb by consuming unhealthy quantities of intoxicants regularly.

Signs That You Might be an Abuser

There are certain signs that can help you understand if you are an abuser to someone, including:

  • You have extreme outbursts that see you physically break objects around you or lash out on your partner/children.
  • You have an addiction that you cannot let go of, and you become violent or angry when the people you love try to intervene.
  • The people around you look concerned by the way you interact with your partner.
  • You were abused as a child by a parent or guardian, and you find yourself doing the same things they used to do to you.
  • You might realize that you are not treating your partner or children the right way due to disagreement, but you cannot control your rage.

Break the Cycle

You may be a past or current victim of abuse. You might suspect that someone close to you is being suffering from abuse. You may have begun realizing your actions as an abuser, yourself. Regardless of which one you identify with, understand that recognizing things for what they truly are, and being honest to yourself and those around you are crucial if things are to get better.

If you fear for your immediate physical safety, call 911 or your local emergency services.

If you aren’t in immediate danger, reach out to loved ones or support hotlines in your area. Remove yourself from the environment, if possible. Recognize that you are not the one to blame for the things that have happened to you, but it is necessary to take the steps to heal.

Go online to find local resources for victims of abuse. If you live in Canada, an organization like the Ending Violence Association of Canada (EVA CAN) may be a good resource to check out.