21 Sep The Science of Love
Love has long been a favorite topic for poets, singers, songwriters, and philosophers. But what do scientists think?
What does science have to say about love? Is there actual science to it?
Our brain is the central processing unit for who we are, how our minds work, and everything that we perceive. Whatever emotions we feel is because our brain responds to stimuli by releasing certain chemicals.
Scientists in various fields, from neuroscience to anthropology, have also been discussing the science behind love for decades. There is still much about love that we can’t explain, but there are quite a few that we can.
Attraction, Lust, and Attachment
Think about the last person you were attracted to.
Not just a passing fancy, or some celebrity, but someone you really wanted. Someone you knew personally that, whether it be emotionally or physically (or both!), but you found yourself drawn to them. Attracted to them.
Everybody reacts differently, but you might have felt nervous, flush, or even noticed your heart beat a little bit harder, and a little bit faster.
Isn’t it amazing how you react physically from something like a conversation with a crush? Or how kissing someone can give you butterflies in your stomach.
The reality is, that it’s all happening because of your brain. Your body reacts to your brain going haywire during love or extreme arousal.
Dr. Helen Fisher leads a team of scientists who have been researching the science behind love. According to their work, you can break down romantic love into three distinct categories:
- Lust
- Attraction
- Attachment
Our brain releases a unique blend of chemicals that drives each of these categories of love.
Lust
The desire to satisfy our sexual needs is what drives lust.
In a purely scientific context, lust exists because of our biological need to reproduce. We are social animals, and we feel compelled to procreate like all other beings. We can pass on our genes through the reproductive cycle and continue our species.
The hypothalamus region in the human brain has a big part to play when it comes to lust.
It stimulates our testes and ovaries to produce testosterone and estrogen, respectively. These two are sex hormones that encourage us to want to reproduce. A common misconception is that the two hormones are “male” and “female” when both play a role in each sex.
Testosterone increases libido in everybody. Estrogen is more subtle in that respect, but some women do report feeling more motivated to have sex when they are ovulating, when estrogen levels are at their peak.
Attraction
Attraction is closely related to lust, but it’s not the same thing.
Attraction essentially relates more to the pathways in our brain that control our reward behavior. It’s likely the reason why we feel so excited, flustered and overwhelmed in the initial stages of a relationship.
The hypothalamus produces dopamine – the chemical that gives us that reward sensation. The brain produces dopamine when we do something that feels good or pleasurable. Spending time with someone we love, and having sex, are two excellent instances where we see increased dopamine.
When we feel attracted to someone, our brain releases a substantial amount of dopamine as well as norepinephrine. Both hormones make us feel excited, giddy, euphoric, and energetic.
Too much of them can even cause loss of sleep or appetite. Have you ever heard of someone being so in love that they couldn’t eat or sleep? There is a science behind it.
Brain scans of people in love have shown that the part of the brain responsible for feelings of reward become highly active when they’re shown pictures of the person they feel immense attraction towards, rather than when compared to a picture of someone else.
Attachment
Last, but certainly not, least is attachment.
Attachment is a major factor in the success of long-term relationships, romantic or otherwise.
Lust and attraction are usually thought to be exclusive to romantic endeavors, whereas attachment extends to many, if not, all of our important relationships. Best friends, childhood friends, favored colleagues and admired mentors are all examples of attachment.
We can’t understand attachment and love without talking about Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone or love hormone.
The hypothalamus produces oxytocin in large quantities during breastfeeding and childbirth. But it’s also associated with hugging, sexual activity and orgasms, as well as strengthening relationships, and building empathy and trust.
Oxytocin is vital to creating the feelings of bond or attachment, and thus love, between people.
Why Love Can Hurt
The same chemicals that make us feel happy and giddy can also create problems for us.
Dopamine is responsible for a major part of the feelings of reward, this comes with pros and cons.
An activity that is very pleasurable releases a lot of dopamine. Since it feels so good, our body wants to do it again; so that more dopamine is released. To anyone that’s suffered addiction from substances like drugs and alcohol, this may sound familiar.
The attraction we feel to someone else is just like an addiction to another human being. Like addicts going through withdrawal, longing and heartbreak can give us similar feelings when we can’t be with the one we love.
Final Thoughts
So, it appears that there may be a chemical formula for (parts of) love.
However there are more things that we’ve yet to learn about love. Anyone that’s experienced deep intense love could probably tell you that love is complicated. Love is something more.
If it was all about the chemicals, we could fall in love with anyone, under the right circumstances. Which is obviously not the case.
Nevertheless, learning about the the aspects of love can help us better understand our own feelings a bit better; which is useful when pursuing arousing emotions, or healing from heartbreak.