19 Aug Intimacy in Isolation
Nobody could have anticipated how much life would change as we headed into the new decade. COVID-19 came along in the first few months of 2020 to challenge every aspect of our lives. The highly contagious disease has left most of us in isolation as we quarantine ourselves to stay safe from the novel coronavirus.
Several months into physical isolation from other people have left most feeling lonely, agitated, and afraid. The situation around us is challenging our most primal instincts as humans, as well as our most intimate relationships. This time in quarantine, whether it means spending more time with our loved ones, or less, can be tough on everyone involved. It can, however, provide us the opportunity to strengthen our relationships through adversity.
How We Interact Has Changed
Physical isolation has made many people realize just how much human interaction plays a role in every aspect of our lives; from our mental health to our physical health.
Whether you’re now spending more time with your partner, or less, each can come with their own set of challenges.
Intimacy in Isolation: Away From Your Partner
If you’re self-isolating away from your partner, it probably won’t take long before you to start to miss them.
The isolation deprives you of the physical contact from the one you love. It can leave you craving for physical affection from your partner.
Some people have a keepsake or gift given to them by their partner, which can bring comfort to those missing their significant other. The item might smell like them, or perhaps it just reminds you of a fond memory, but having something to cherish from their partner can help some people cope with the loneliness and longing caused by physical isolation.
Many people are using advances in technology to cope with the lack of physical intimacy in isolation. Talking to your partner on the phone is one way of getting in touch with your partner. Video calling them is even better, but still doesn’t fill the hole left by their absence.
There are more specialized products like smart-pillows linked over the internet that begin to warm up when the other is being hugged. In fact, there is a wide range of more intimate devices that people are using to navigate this new climate of intimacy.
Isolating away from your partner may not be all bad, however.
A 2013 study from Cornell University and the City University of Hong Kong found that distance can, in fact, make the heart (or at least the communication) grow fonder.
This could be for a number of reasons.
Partners away from each other may communicate more about their day, and disclose more about themselves when talking with their partners. Being apart from your partner may make the interactions and conversations that much more meaningful, or make us cherish them more.
Perhaps the lack of physical intimacy can give you a chance to focus on the emotional intimacy of the relationship, and create an opportunity to have more meaningful conversations with your partner. All this time to talk may help you focus on the things that really matter in your relationship, and may strengthen and deepen the relationship in ways you may not have expected.
Intimacy in Isolation: With Your Partner
Isolating together with your partner can also bring its set of challenges. Couples might not want to rush hunkering down as a couple. People who are isolating with their partner may not be used to the amount of time they’re now spending.
This quarantine has started to make various aspects of our lives overlap with one another.
Many individuals find themselves working from home. Their domestic, romantic, and work lives are piling on top of each other, and the boundaries between them are blurring.
As these lines become more blurred, it’s important (maybe now, more than ever) to find some space from each other, and get some ‘you time’.
This doesn’t mean avoid spending time in each other’s presence. Rather, it means setting some time to aside to focus on your own hobbies, interests, and time to yourself. And this idea goes both ways, for your partner and yourself.
Having time to explore your own interests, and creating opportunities to find space that you can call your own, is crucial to living with your partner without irritation or resentment.
Studies have found that quarantine can lead to boredom, frustration, and anger. It can lead to short-term or long-term changes for a person that can link the periods of isolation with PTSD symptoms.
Like most relationships, communication it key.
If you feel any feelings of anger, irritability, or resentment bubbling up, just talk to your partner about it. Tell them how you’re feeling honestly, and what can be done to make things better. Sometimes even just a simple conversation can avoid blow-ups and arguments down the road.
The Risk for People in Abusive Relationships
For those suffering from an abusive relationship, isolation and quarantine has compounded the effects of abuse.
Victims of abuse already find it challenging to seek help from traditional sources. Now, walk-in centers that help them may closed, and more time at home means they might not get the privacy to make phone calls. It could become more challenging for victims to find reasons to leave the house to phone a helpline.
The high rate of unemployment, uncertainty, and reduced access to social support all make the situation worse. According to this BBC report, there has been a global increase in domestic abuse during lockdown by as much as 20%. The UN has described this increase as a shadow pandemic alongside COVID-19.
The governments in France, Italy, and Spain are renting hotel rooms for domestic abuse victims who do not have safe spaces.
However, the challenges can continue to persist in the long run.
If you fear for your immediate physical safety, call 911 or your local emergency service.
If you are suffering from an abusive relationship during isolation, take some additional steps for your own safety.
Contacting your support network like friends, family, and anyone that you can trust and rely on, is the best place to start.
Preparing for Life after Isolation
No matter the domestic situation you’re currently facing, transitioning back to life after this pandemic is over will be challenging (to say the least).
Whether you’re looking forward to reuniting with your loved one, or can’t wait for a little more space to yourself, it will take some time for things to get back to (a new) normal.
It sounds cliché but communication really is key, so talk to your partner!
Everyone is dealing with isolation in slightly different ways, and we all have good days and bad days. Communicating with your partner honestly and regularly will help you both survive the isolation, and may help strengthen your bond and relationship in ways you wouldn’t have expected!
So, talk to your partner. Your relationship, the situation at home, and your mental health will thank you for it.